I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize