Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
