Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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