It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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