dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
