If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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