do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
