A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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