"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
