I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
