Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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