Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
being pregnant is like rehab
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
