My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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