i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
