We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
