I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
