Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
