we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
