8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
