DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just high enough for therapy.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
