Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
