I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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