we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
