Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
