I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
They have beer where we have blood.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
