if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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