just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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