Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
