She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize