Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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