operation have a gay friend backfired
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
