***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
