just survived the first fart of the relationship.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
