i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
