New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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