Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
