Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
