eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
