so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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