FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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