I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
