Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
