It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
