I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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