I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This baby is an asshole
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
