And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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