if only i could text you this smell
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
