Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
