So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
