if you like me you must not know who I am
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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