she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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