Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
