i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
