I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
