I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
