I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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