I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
