Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
