I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
