That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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