help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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