So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
