the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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