It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
