With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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