I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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