you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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