I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
