I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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