As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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