Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
