His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize