'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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