I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I need to align my fucking chakras
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
