Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
