i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
