How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
