There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
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Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
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So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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