it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
