oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
