I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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