don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
