I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
