You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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