he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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