he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
